....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
