Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
