I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
