Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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