my phone needs a breathalizer
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
