I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize