I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
