Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
