I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
