Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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