he thought i was a dude.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
