Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize