i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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