She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
