That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
