Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
