i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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