Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
