i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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