You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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