Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think my vagina is haunted
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize