Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
