We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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