we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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