I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
