my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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