oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
