haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
