I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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