Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
