Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
