He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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