Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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