I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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