I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize