if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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