I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
