he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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