oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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