This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
