That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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