Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
