tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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