His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
