Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
