he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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