Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
