you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
