dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
