better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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