why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I did not marry a roomba.
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