How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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