he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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