Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize