I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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