Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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