I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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