You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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