I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
