i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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