soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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