Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
