The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
