Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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