So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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