Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
