Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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