I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
