How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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