Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
