the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
