She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
