I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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