weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
