Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
