Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
