Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
