that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
