If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
