Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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