she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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