who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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