We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
