No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
