Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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