1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
