K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
