I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I supernannyed him into submission
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
