i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
