There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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