Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
