i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
