Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
