I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
