Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
